calling your bluff

when you lie to me its in the small stuff 

~~~~~~

I’m grieving the potential

The ‘what could have been’

The days they warned me 

Not to think too far ahead 

Because it is, remember- 

one day at a time 

I met your friends, 

But only in my mind

Dazzled them with my charm and intensity

Now I worry what they say about me 

My friends try and reassure

“Honestly sounds like you dodged a bullet?”

but I worry

someone, somewhere, at some point

Has said the same about me 

I am watching something with so much potential

Disintegrate before my eyes

Surely, pain is pain

Every heart break will feel different 

But I’ve had harder conversations

Faced harsher endings

Endured worse heartbreak

No disrespect 

(As I know you have too)

I’ve been through worse shit than this 

Today I thought you were goading me

And it didn’t sound like you 

I shouldn’t have to go through my activity 

With a fine-toothed comb

To find the thing that 

you obsessed over 

You said

Thank you for showing me 

kindness and tenderness and sweetness 

That I’ve never seen been before

A bitter voice in me is screaming 

I’m tired of being that person to other people 

Being steady in the face of emotional turbulence

We never took that photo together

I never got the story on your middle name

I have already romanticized you 

I turned you into a poem 

You will be in my head for months

I should know by now

You’d think I would learn my lesson

They tell me I am too hard on myself 

That its part of being human 

But I feel myself backsliding

Here I am again

With my claws in

Unable to let go